C O N F E S S I O N A L S

by M_Ø T H Ė R

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released April 26, 2017

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M_Ø T H Ė R Surprise, Arizona

hi hi. this is my body and these are the sounds they make. please enjoy.

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Track Name: Genesis 32:9-10
Motivated by fear and fear corrupting my motives
Moving in and out of seasons where fall feels like spring and feeling the sting of growing pains straining so hard not to be the person always complaining
So many days,walking the tight rope
I'm glad it's under my feet even if it's miles above the street
Better than around my neck
I'm better than that dark truth, but in truth
You already knew the way I take the good in with the bad, I'm trying to not take for granted all the things I've ever had
Because even when things were broken it left the door open for self improvement
It doesn't matter if I had to kick it open sometimes
But I am sorry for all the windows I smashed
I was so sick of having to look in from the outside
If you had just opened your gates I promised you your property would have been clean and pristine
I would have only leaned over the gates to tell you that I love
The way
You decorate yourself with the passing of time you were always so festive
I wish I would have invested in colors that draped me gracefully
So that way I could have been invited to your party's with all those pretty, purebred, people
Because even if they kept me up at night
Even if you were the fly
Buzzing around in the corner of my ceiling
I would have started pealing off all these years of self pity weighing me down
So I could have gotten up and opened the window that leads back to town
Because you are beautiful in a way that I can't escape
So I'd rather be a small part in your farewell than being the sorry excuse of the man who brings you water from the well
Charcoal stains from the chimney way
You invited me in from the door but it felt wrong to be so casual so I stooped down to the level of a crook and their I laid
Dirty
And bruised
You have never
Been amused
With the way of the day to day
I'm sorry for bringing you dirty water
I just want you to see that I'm putting in effort
I'll boil out all this hurt from the rain I collected from the gutter
And I pour peroxide on all that static across my thighs
I want to be pretty so I can stop hiding in your attic and soon become decoration
I want to take part in all your leisure recreation
They say Today's a new day but yesterday felt the same so I remain topside turvy, drunk off of worry and slurring apologies because somebody spiked my drink with their false ideologies of what they perceived you to be before they learned that those robes really do have a home for me
so let me be humbled by your humility because humanity has been on their knees begging not knowing that you have been standing behind us telling us to hush
Because the sunrise is just over that hill, the worst is over
You change the way I perceive, and how I proceed through this life of mine
The night is for rest and the day is for labor
Pregnant with fear, I've decided to steer clear and adhere to your fingertips just barely glazing over my eyes telling me that faith will always overcome sight
And that even when I cry
The water in my tears give life
This ocean of misery crashing against my ribs
That hurt nurtures the shoreline like a wound
In the womb, you loved me for what I could be
Not for what I am
And still to this day you say son I love how you sway
Bending without breaking sometimes shaking but never the less you keep your hands on your chest and confess that your city has been weeping
And I love you all the same
I love you all the same
Track Name: Matthew 11:28
Gather all your fears because there's a bonfire
It's Licking the tongue of Satan and if you feel strange that's because your heart is turning into velvet satin
Somebody poured this into my ear when I was asleep last night and I can feel it leaking into my mind
Broken tile spaces, places feeling vacant
Buildings without residents and bikes without wheels.
Nobody's going to fix them now, so I wish they would just be torn down
Because it's so hard when you can see somebody who's lacking
It's so hard when you see somebody attacking
Are we really just dogs in the body of men
Our mouth dragging through the dirt, lapping up all this hurt dripping from your rib cage

I use each one of my fingers to count down the ten times I was up till nine in the morning, mourning the 800 thousand miles between us
And the way those seven deadly sins slithered across your body, sixes across your writs this feeling, intoxicated on five shots of four ounces of self-pity and regret
The same dream 3 night in a row where two hands are resting gently on my window
And your single voice whispers to me
I still don't know what you said
I still don't know what you said

Write me a nice song she said
Write a really really nice song
But it's the wrong notes every time
Knees bound to the ground and wondering
Am I giving up or giving in
Sometimes this quite lets me know that the wolfs in my head left me for dead
Regardless of what we were fighting for
It's not even a struggle anymore
Because your going to die
Yes you are really really going to die
Yes I'm going to die
Yes I'm really really going to die
But you never wanted to hear that

I could never reach out to hold your hand because they were always covering ears
For an entire year, I wondered if you were blocking out my voice or yours
I'm sorry that our relationship has become a choir
Because you just put up with me and I put up with myself, gripping tightly the gates of heaven or maybe it's hell
Crucified, turning to the side
The son of man erected, no longer able to stand looks me in the eye and sighs
And he tells me he'll have me for dinner while they put a hole in his side
Your back crooked from carrying my cross, lashes on your neck from the way I choked you with my affection, afflicting pain into your mind already concaving into itself
Help
Help
Every time I spoke failure shown down upon me, blinding my aim and misfiring on anyone I ever called friend
I think there is something wrong with me.
I think there is something wrong with me
Go ahead and take that and this just make sure to disinfect the holes you left in my wrist
I keep this wound open so maybe one day you could infect all this cancer in my brain and change out my veins for electrical wire and maybe one day I could start spinning like those bicycle tires and we can get to all those broken
Towers and start rebuilding
Track Name: 1 Samuel 16:7
The same train comes every day
And I'm afraid it's haunting me
I am worried that your face will be blurry
As it ask me to leave our humble abode
In my love you are feared, in how you tousle your hair
And how you'll have me always
The salt on your tongue, fast hearts,so young, the life in your rib cage
But fate have it be, I Must have believed,that everything was done for this
I took so much time, to write down these lines, so you know that there's something hidden in these empty pages
I know
You know
what we could do to be closer to life and to be closer to death
After all that's been said
It's worthless
But still I'm alive in the way when you tell me everything changes
It's sunrises
Blanketing our hope
Paltry is every word that i have spoke
This language i inherit
It consumes me
You consume me
One of my greatest fears is that one day
You will see through the veil of what you think I am
And all my words will start tattooing themselves on your skin
And the poetry that you used to love will becoming a haunting reminder that all art is a joke
And you fell in love with a jester
You are the best years in my life
You fill me up, but it's so hard not to be hollow sometimes

If you can't hear this song in your head
It's because I'm covering your ears I'm bonded to my fears
Because flowers they do bloom, from this earth they consume for the vanity of life
I want to believe That love will carry me because God knows you do


Blood is thicker than water but I hope I never leave you parched because I've spent all of my past butchering my heart trying to scrape out some meaning while allI should have done was just start believing in the fact that
he gave me you and I am worthy of your love
Love is coursing through your veins, bringing the oxygen to your thoughts that splatter like the paintings you tell yourself are worthless but to me they are worth it
You were worth all this trauma from the past
Track Name: Ephesians 5:29
Your mother called you a failure before she heard you sing
And in that moment i knew i could harbor hate
Self image
Self inflicted
Worn thin
Snapping, you fragile thing
These colors dont run but we sure do
Down these tracks
What we lack
The railings broken and so are you

Shedding pounds
Shedding pounds
How is your voice supposed to sing so loud
When your ribs are hugging like we used too
Id do anything to tell everyone the way you sound
Id do anything to tell everyone the way you sound
You made me so proud

Tincan teleaphones
You dont phone home
Her voice makes you shake and then its out wit progress

I miss the sound of your laughter filling up my empty room
I miss the sound of your laughter filling up my empty room