Weekday E​.​P

by M_Ø T H Ė R

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about

made through a time of severe loneliness and hope. saved by the good lord. amen

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released December 11, 2016

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M_Ø T H Ė R Surprise, Arizona

hi hi. this is my body and these are the sounds they make. please enjoy.

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Track Name: M O N D AE Y
The way you carry yourself is heavy and burden
Like my grandfathers leather suitcases that he only takes with him when he goes to church because any other time it would be uncalled for
The attention brought onto you by the gifting of drinks is most defiantly uncalled for
The holes in between my memory recall ideas of you and me with the spring breeze dancing with the leafs
Watching them take form as if they were life themselves
Playfully teasing God with their new found omnipotence
And hey I'm the exact opposite of an omptimst but I'm omptmkzing my ability to appeal to you
If it's the color of my hair that you don't fancy then let me dive into one of your paintings and pick out all of your favorite colors and I will die to dye my long dreads because I dread the thought of being unappealing to you
When I look at you a see the best parts of myslef and I just can't help
That Your beauty is loud and rearing like a drunker
Baby I've been getting drunk off of my own fists because lately There's a lot of punch in the punch bowl and I revived a whole lot of rock from the rocking chair
I know there's a race out there but maybe I'm the goose in this chase and I'm just Stuck between a rock in a hard place waiting for the tidal waves to wash my body 30 miles out west
The sea will rinse me with its salt and make me brand new and clean for you
So wrap your fingers around me as if eack digit was the last time we will ever get to say the number
One is what I used to be
Two is the sound of silence when crickets finally meet
Three is the father son and holy spirt one in the same and one for all
Four is the amount of children that will make me stand tall
Five is the year in my life my father left and left his burdens that I unwillingly kept
Six hours is the amount of sleep I get at night and how many times my mother asked me if I was playing with knifes
Seven times seventy is how many times he's forgiven me and held me strong enough for the eight years I thought I wpuldent survive
Love, at best I am another soon to be erased line in some Moody girls journal
She wrote me down
but softly because she wanted nothing of me to be permanit
And that's fine because that's the last thing I want to be in this life
Nobody's ever trying to keep anything permanite
Our world is consumed by change, and alls I want to do is fork up my petty change from my worn out pockets and pay so I can keep you tucked away inside of mine
Let my denime seep into your Dna and I'll protect you in the golden state of calirfnoa
Or anywhere else you want to call a home
Because my home is your heart
My home is anywhere as long as we arnt apart
I'll play my part and be your knight in shining armor
I'll rescue you from your bedbugs and give you all the late night hugs in the world
And if you need pep talks I'll pepper them into our daily conversation so our relationship doeint feel like one big therapy session
Because ive been there I've had depression
That mental regression of a recetion of all emotions till you are the husk of a person who may have existed at some point in time
Time is the only thing of value I can really give you
Time was the only thing that the last Kauai bird had
The last of his species and the ending of a small family
He spent his last hours singing
A mating call as well as his swan song
He sang four hours for a lover that would never call and then died on broken wings
And lately I feel like I'm sailing on broken wings
Because for how often you cross my mind I know I only preoccupy yours for a quarter of the time and that's fine
Because you know better than I how often I frequent sleepless night

You were the tides
Ravaging my vessel with your Sunnday dress and flirtations eyes
And every time I washed ashore I wished my body was as dead as it was on the inside
Or at least just different
Not so hopeless or pathetic
I wish I could charm you as much as your siren song lured me
I wished I could have been stronger to resit the feeling of being wanted
But that's all I've ever wanted was to be wanted to be praise and be desired to feel higher and I am so tierd
I sleep in a bed made for two
My mother and father used to share it
A king sized mattress
Hiding the tale of the jester and his journey
But without hesitation I throw myself back into your sea because I had grown so accustomed to the rhythmic motion of your oceans rocking me to sleep while I begin sinking
Most nights I'm just sinking
Or at least pretending to be breathing
you were the only one who I could be my true self around
You were the role of super glue and sutures when my life was just arts and crafts as I played depressions trophy wife
So I want you to be happy
And if I'm not part of that story so be it
But know that every word you have ever said has been locked deep inside my head and even when I'm dead I'll remember the way you said I made you feel alive
Because when you were high on life I was just high on you
Using my emptiness to get us to a place where we wernt even happy but we were safe
Safe from my fathers mistakes and your mothers hate
I've learned that orphan hearts reach out to each other
And give what they never received
So I wanted to say thank you for turning oxygen into life again
For making colors loud again
For making me laugh when I wanted to cry and for reminding me that the sky
Is no longer the limit
Because sataliets orbit the earth just barely tethered by the earths gravitational pull
And you know what
Space wouldnet be such a lonely place of it had you.
So thank you
Thank you
Track Name: T_üŠ d Æ ÿ
The building inside of me has become audible with its echos
So large and vast
A forest of concrete where my shoes meet the ground
Expanding upon the endles horizon of where other lonely castles may set up their kingdoms
No drawbridges lowered because theirs ash in the moat
All of them seem very far away
More time is spent remaining than recreating
Creating a montage of our best moments except I cut out the frames with me in them because I never had any solidarity with you
You could replace my silloute with anybody's else's shadow and nothing would change
I don't change
So manny people are viedo
Streaming proudly across the cinema while I remain the same grainy photo
Stuck with the same blank expression
Exspressing the same thing I always have
The master and slave complex is the idea that we need others to validate our own existence
The master needs the slave to know what their hands command
And the slave needs the master to know what they do with theirs
And I don't even care which one I would be I just want to be one
I just want to exist on some plain of reality regardless of how plain I might be
Oh companiship
Have you been in the depths of isolations
Did you find truth?
If you did, I'm ready to hear it
Oh isolation
Is love even worth it
Is their a perfect girl
Is her hair straight or does it have curls
I'd drop myself in the desert for forty days and forty night even if demons will only talk to me
When you go so long with the quiet you'll listen to anything
I listen to recordings I taped in secret
The dialogue of me and my friends singing at the top of our lungs to a song I soon forgot but I never forgot how the air left my lungs when we screamed haluiga to the gods that could never own us
We kissed our mothers and father goodbye and marched individually into our own wars
Combating the fears of grey hair and learning that we can't always be so carefree with what we dare
My friends
It's winter and Bombshells have been dropping in my rink dink bumper
And I've been watching the falling ruble from my eyes stained with suit and I'm stumbling over the graves of soldiers who couldent sleep
I only wish for you that you roll up your sleeves and get out your dresses for the summer
And that the butterfly's inspire you to fly higher than any substance could ever take you
Get in a hot air ballon and just float on
Become the most modest mouse and be cozy in the cargo because the most rememberable guest are the uninvited ones
Laugh at death and cry at the sight of the newborn
Their small hands don't believe in a complex
So don't complex yourself with cracks in the cement but thank god they don't actually break your mothers back
That they don't break the back bone of who whacked you when your spine wasint straight because they wanted to teach you to be the beams that stayed after the crash
I'll tell you my friends
All of the words you've never heard
Encyclopedias will be imbedded under your skin so you will always know the right things to say
Don't let the silence hold you
Don't be choke changed by your insacurtes in the opposite direction of god
Don't let your youth be the explanation for your mistakes
Don't let there be a difference between noise and the melodies we call music
Because if we took the time to listen there must have been a reason
Pretend that you are alive in the tone
And those luminous sounds are the voice of god
Don't be like me
A branch that is barely saved from the flames
Turning to ash all what we used to know
I hate to say I'm the match
Igniteing the fighting of the opposite oceans
Thrashing aginst each other
Both so set in their ways
I can't tell the difference between passion and stubbornness anymore
I try and forget about the cost of it all
The coast of red coat hangers and the guilt that we hang ourselfs with
Because at the end of the night I'm only halfway home
Leaving breadcrumbs of my broken relationships
I keep hoping someday someday will come and pick up the pieces
Waiting for somebody to finally tell me what my picture is when I'm finally all put together
To tell me how I make sense in this jigsaw of a relationship
I want to be beautiful and still understand that I'm a mess
Kinda like cursive
Written sloppy but by golly
Don't tell me
That you can't read me
Every word I've ever said has been an autobiography and the pages are just scattered in the ears of those who took the time to listen
So listen when I tell you how much I miss you
Listen to my quiet blaring blasphemy on how much we are connected
Listen to when I say I love you
I love you
I love you
Track Name: W-//Ñš dÆ y---F°r KæTī E
W-//Ñš dÆ y---F°r KæTī E
Track Name: T~h ÜR////-:d æ".,
Places feel empty when items arnt preacupting the carpet space
It's when you can see all four corners and you end up standing aginst one of them so that you can keep an eye on the other three
Because if you don't watch them you feel like inch by inch they'll inch closer to each other and you'll find yourself closteephobed by the emptiness you never filled up
When you place something inside where you sleep it takes on this identity
It's no longer just a chair
It's your chair
It starts holding parts of you that you didint even know you gave it
It's legs become stilts that hold you inches above the ground and it relishes in your company
It's molded to the shape of your back and knows how to relieve its aches it was made
By loving and firm hands
Whos sees the woods as a forest of chairs, coffee tables, and loveseats
They felt closer to Jesus because they know how hands become after they handle wood
The handles on your door experience the sweetest sadness every time you cradle them
Your hands are their home but they know that your touch means your parting
The kind of sleight of hand goodbye that only a con artist could create
Creating a world that you want to destroy so you stopped going outside
Because outside is out there and out there is unfair
They will throw us to the wolves
im sorry that we ended up as sheeps my teeth were never sharp enough to bite flesh
Kindness, can sometimes masquerade malicious intent so ive closed my eyes when meating strangers
Instead I open up an old wound and hide inside of it
pretending to go through the healing process again
Breaking and mending again and again
The process isn't even therapeutic anymore its just for recreation
Recreating this hurt of the past to forget about the unpredictability of today
Today
The distance from the moon felt shorter
As if the earth was telling it a secret so
it leaned in But the earth,preacupied, and abiding its own time, continued to turn its head
so the moon never heard what it said
And i wonder how many times this has happened
The earth will turn to the sun and the morning will bestow upon me my sword and cruel realities to thrust at
I will be hurt
I will be outside
I want to die and then be reborn
Not into something different but just to say i did it
i want to kiss every star in the universe and ask them if they can flash their light in my inside to give some insight on this shredded up mess inside of and if it will ever be straightened out again
I snagged myself somewhere along the line and ive been unravling everywhere i go, cutting myself on the people i meet and watching my bolts fall on the street
Melancholy mechanical, I wonder where I'm marching
Ive been intoxicated on the idea of fake wings,able to take me anywhere but here
But im worried the glue between me and you will melt and i will plumit into collective sorrows
i m beginig to sprout these feathers, but please dont call me iceraus yet
Theres a theory that time is like a circle
And that may explain why our tomorrows are just chasing yesterday
Why do you think youve never seen a square clock
lost somewhere between our life and my life
I watch the world walk the one way tight rope of meaning
To hold closely our sene of resson, we will let our migraines strain against the reality that we could easily ignore
And our feelings will bear their fangs inside what we choose to intake
Enticing our outcomes to be littile more than mistakes left unsaid
So we busy ourselfs with breaking bread and burying our dead
In the dirt we all look the same
People
Are living breathing pieces of art
And we are all paiting strokes on eachother
We will go misunderstood with the breath we take but when we finally rest they will speak boldy of our colors
And they to will go their whole lives without understanding anyone
Humans are the only things capable of grasping hope
When we sit in the darkness of tonight we will dream of the sunrise tomorrow
I know i've been down on my knees lately
But i won't lie down and die like a dog
When things are happening
When this world ismaking sounds that i cant compreheand
When im outside
Lace our hearts with twine and in time your heart beat will be the song that guides my feet to your robe
Your robe in my home
Im not ready but ill fight the good fight
My legs are broken but ill finish this race
And even when i get tierd and stop to turn around
I know that nothing behind me is going to help me
As i retain this humble human form of mine
Will i ever be able to enjoy being awake instead of in a dream
As i retain this humble human form of mine
Just exactly how long will i be able to walk on my own
Track Name: £R|<_" #•'_\\\""'•Ÿ
Throughout all my whining and complaining
It occurred to me that you may think that I see this world as straing
While the chain around my neck makes me feel like old yeller let me tell yah
I have been a sucker for the ocean lines and half the time I'm just singing
sweet Emery
I love where the sea meets the land
her and I make the best of friends
I'd make her my own
And I would float in her waves
She will sing me to sleep and carry me away
Away to house party's filled with friends and family's
And we will all kick off our shoes and tap dance to the mouse on the keyboard
So eager as he runs over the black and white tile space
Eager to please his guest of friendly faces
All that he chases
Is a place where he can fall comfortably in love with the cracks in our walls
Flaws and all
We all just want to be the noise inside of someone else's wall
I adore you sweetly so let me type Morse code in the corner of your cabin
and let me tell you all that your branches that have yet to blossom are just waiting for the hospitality of spring to come so that their leafs can someday spread their wings and soar gently to the ground
Don't be so afraid of dying
I spent all of my youth trying to put comprehension
On why my body shouldn't enter suspension from the ceiling fan blades
My trick of the trade
Has been learning to throw haste with pace and to cut to the chase
And I realized that we are all just chasing death
Running so quickly across these streets the concrete provides our trail where we get so foucused on the finish line that we forgot why we are racing
Facing mirrors every day
Watching your aging face make canyons where plains used to be
Seeing the sparkle in your eyes have it's final shimer and then explode into the dull
Your pupils are the endlessness of space,that's why lovers get lost in them
It's just hard to believe that left and right the stars in the sky are slowly but surly disappearing
We are so fearing of what lays beyond this earth that we curse the soil that our fathers toiled over in the idea that all roads lead to the grave
Please just stay
And watch the spine of a man who works with his hands and notice how it starts
Bending like a tree giving heed to the wind because fighting against a restless force only makes you tired before you fall
Watch his legs continue to climb over the Eremqrkqble mistakes he used to make because he knows that all growing hurts so he continues marching up
And it's not important as to what he finds up top or if he even gets there
It's important that he died climbing
That he never stopped trying
That everyone told him it's impossible to move mountains
And that he always responded with I am the mountain,and I've been sprinting all my life
I don't want you to pretend like you don't have faults
We are all unfinished train tracks with a conductor acelraring a box car filled with people we don't want to let down
We don't know what to do when they finally derail
What do we do when all these ships sail
And we are left on the island
What happens after the illusion of a busy day and Sisyphus rock falls back down
Do you pack up your weapons and head home
"Not to blurt but I got hurt so pray for me at church. I'll be hiding in a cave "
Sometimes I wish I never left the cave because I never knew how cold I was till I felt the heat of his breath filling up my lungs
I never knew how foggy it was in these quit hills till his voice came rolling out like thunder on these city scapes
Illuminating a world I never thought to understand
Because without him you'll know how cold you are
Without him you'll know why it's so dark
My friends there are going to be days where you feel the heart beat of every new born pounding violently agesnt your ribcage and there will be the days where you will feel the rushing rivers of mothers listing to their soldiers silent drum fading into another war memorial
With your hands you will strangle life and sometimes it will pin yours against the wall
You can walk pretty far with your humble human form
But never as far as you want
I know you can feel the friction of your fiction
Slowly wearing thin your yarn of how you alone can withstand
How terrible to realize you are only a man
But blessed to feel everything so deeply
I want to feel the good lord in the pit of my stomach fighting my fears tooth and nail and I want the noise to rattle up through my throat and out my tongue so just by my words alone
You are drowning in the sound of his fight
I want him nestled so tightly in between my ribcage
With the right draps
The right frames
The right paints
We could really make his home pretty
My dearest lord
What a great day to spend in doors
The light inside may fuel my human mind but all I want it to be in with you in my insides my sides
I want you to play calamba with my ribcage and hum that number 99 into my mind
Just as I am your son
Rip out my tendons to I can reach out closer to you