Motivated by fear and fear corrupting my motives
Moving in and out of seasons where fall feels like spring and feeling the sting of growing pains straining so hard not to be the person always complaining
So many days,walking the tight rope
I'm glad it's under my feet even if it's miles above the street
Better than around my neck
I'm better than that dark truth, but in truth
You already knew the way I take the good in with the bad, I'm trying to not take for granted all the things I've ever had
Because even when things were broken it left the door open for self improvement
It doesn't matter if I had to kick it open sometimes
But I am sorry for all the windows I smashed
I was so sick of having to look in from the outside
If you had just opened your gates I promised you your property would have been clean and pristine
I would have only leaned over the gates to tell you that I love
The way
You decorate yourself with the passing of time you were always so festive
I wish I would have invested in colors that draped me gracefully
So that way I could have been invited to your party's with all those pretty, purebred, people
Because even if they kept me up at night
Even if you were the fly
Buzzing around in the corner of my ceiling
I would have started pealing off all these years of self pity weighing me down
So I could have gotten up and opened the window that leads back to town
Because you are beautiful in a way that I can't escape
So I'd rather be a small part in your farewell than being the sorry excuse of the man who brings you water from the well
Charcoal stains from the chimney way
You invited me in from the door but it felt wrong to be so casual so I stooped down to the level of a crook and their I laid
Dirty
And bruised
You have never
Been amused
With the way of the day to day
I'm sorry for bringing you dirty water
I just want you to see that I'm putting in effort
I'll boil out all this hurt from the rain I collected from the gutter
And I pour peroxide on all that static across my thighs
I want to be pretty so I can stop hiding in your attic and soon become decoration
I want to take part in all your leisure recreation
They say Today's a new day but yesterday felt the same so I remain topside turvy, drunk off of worry and slurring apologies because somebody spiked my drink with their false ideologies of what they perceived you to be before they learned that those robes really do have a home for me
so let me be humbled by your humility because humanity has been on their knees begging not knowing that you have been standing behind us telling us to hush
Because the sunrise is just over that hill, the worst is over
You change the way I perceive, and how I proceed through this life of mine
The night is for rest and the day is for labor
Pregnant with fear, I've decided to steer clear and adhere to your fingertips just barely glazing over my eyes telling me that faith will always overcome sight
And that even when I cry
The water in my tears give life
This ocean of misery crashing against my ribs
That hurt nurtures the shoreline like a wound
In the womb, you loved me for what I could be
Not for what I am
And still to this day you say son I love how you sway
Bending without breaking sometimes shaking but never the less you keep your hands on your chest and confess that your city has been weeping
And I love you all the same
I love you all the same