The way you carry yourself is heavy and burden
Like my grandfathers leather suitcases that he only takes with him when he goes to church because any other time it would be uncalled for
The attention brought onto you by the gifting of drinks is most defiantly uncalled for
The holes in between my memory recall ideas of you and me with the spring breeze dancing with the leafs
Watching them take form as if they were life themselves
Playfully teasing God with their new found omnipotence
And hey I'm the exact opposite of an omptimst but I'm omptmkzing my ability to appeal to you
If it's the color of my hair that you don't fancy then let me dive into one of your paintings and pick out all of your favorite colors and I will die to dye my long dreads because I dread the thought of being unappealing to you
When I look at you a see the best parts of myslef and I just can't help
That Your beauty is loud and rearing like a drunker
Baby I've been getting drunk off of my own fists because lately There's a lot of punch in the punch bowl and I revived a whole lot of rock from the rocking chair
I know there's a race out there but maybe I'm the goose in this chase and I'm just Stuck between a rock in a hard place waiting for the tidal waves to wash my body 30 miles out west
The sea will rinse me with its salt and make me brand new and clean for you
So wrap your fingers around me as if eack digit was the last time we will ever get to say the number
One is what I used to be
Two is the sound of silence when crickets finally meet
Three is the father son and holy spirt one in the same and one for all
Four is the amount of children that will make me stand tall
Five is the year in my life my father left and left his burdens that I unwillingly kept
Six hours is the amount of sleep I get at night and how many times my mother asked me if I was playing with knifes
Seven times seventy is how many times he's forgiven me and held me strong enough for the eight years I thought I wpuldent survive
Love, at best I am another soon to be erased line in some Moody girls journal
She wrote me down
but softly because she wanted nothing of me to be permanit
And that's fine because that's the last thing I want to be in this life
Nobody's ever trying to keep anything permanite
Our world is consumed by change, and alls I want to do is fork up my petty change from my worn out pockets and pay so I can keep you tucked away inside of mine
Let my denime seep into your Dna and I'll protect you in the golden state of calirfnoa
Or anywhere else you want to call a home
Because my home is your heart
My home is anywhere as long as we arnt apart
I'll play my part and be your knight in shining armor
I'll rescue you from your bedbugs and give you all the late night hugs in the world
And if you need pep talks I'll pepper them into our daily conversation so our relationship doeint feel like one big therapy session
Because ive been there I've had depression
That mental regression of a recetion of all emotions till you are the husk of a person who may have existed at some point in time
Time is the only thing of value I can really give you
Time was the only thing that the last Kauai bird had
The last of his species and the ending of a small family
He spent his last hours singing
A mating call as well as his swan song
He sang four hours for a lover that would never call and then died on broken wings
And lately I feel like I'm sailing on broken wings
Because for how often you cross my mind I know I only preoccupy yours for a quarter of the time and that's fine
Because you know better than I how often I frequent sleepless night

You were the tides
Ravaging my vessel with your Sunnday dress and flirtations eyes
And every time I washed ashore I wished my body was as dead as it was on the inside
Or at least just different
Not so hopeless or pathetic
I wish I could charm you as much as your siren song lured me
I wished I could have been stronger to resit the feeling of being wanted
But that's all I've ever wanted was to be wanted to be praise and be desired to feel higher and I am so tierd
I sleep in a bed made for two
My mother and father used to share it
A king sized mattress
Hiding the tale of the jester and his journey
But without hesitation I throw myself back into your sea because I had grown so accustomed to the rhythmic motion of your oceans rocking me to sleep while I begin sinking
Most nights I'm just sinking
Or at least pretending to be breathing
you were the only one who I could be my true self around
You were the role of super glue and sutures when my life was just arts and crafts as I played depressions trophy wife
So I want you to be happy
And if I'm not part of that story so be it
But know that every word you have ever said has been locked deep inside my head and even when I'm dead I'll remember the way you said I made you feel alive
Because when you were high on life I was just high on you
Using my emptiness to get us to a place where we wernt even happy but we were safe
Safe from my fathers mistakes and your mothers hate
I've learned that orphan hearts reach out to each other
And give what they never received
So I wanted to say thank you for turning oxygen into life again
For making colors loud again
For making me laugh when I wanted to cry and for reminding me that the sky
Is no longer the limit
Because sataliets orbit the earth just barely tethered by the earths gravitational pull
And you know what
Space wouldnet be such a lonely place of it had you.
So thank you
Thank you